The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize