Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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