Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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