You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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