how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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