need another drink. this is the easiest way
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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