Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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