Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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