So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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