I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize