Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need to align my fucking chakras
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