WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize