my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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