I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize