Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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