I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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