I looked at my own cervix.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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