Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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