There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
where are my eyebrows?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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