where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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