Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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