My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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