somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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