FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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