please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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