The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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