She said her name was "party"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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