What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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