I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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