Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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