the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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