The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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