its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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