I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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