Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize