rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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