Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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