party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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