he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you never un-have a 4some
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize