If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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