can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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