I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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