You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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