U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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