She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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