Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize