and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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