Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize