I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize