We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Welp...herpes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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